Does Hope Help?

In January, 2013 I was luck enough to be invited to do a talk on Radio 4's FourThought. I decided to discuss my theory that hope doesn't always help. To be honest I expected there to be a backlash, with suggestions that for many hope was essential for survival and how could I possibly question it?! 

But I did in fact receive some amazing, heartfelt feedback from people who really felt my talk resonated with them, and how they were feeling. So here's the transcript of the original talk. Let me know you thoughts. To hear the talk go HERE

Sally

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We're entering a world where language is being reduced to 140 characters or fewer. Where the 'youth of today' have become oblivious to the nuances of the English language (whatever happened to grammar, spelling ... PUNCTUATION?) Either that or I'm getting old! Don't get me wrong I understand how language changes and adapts over time, I have an array of grammatical bad habits (my husband dismays at my use of less and fewer!) but words do have their own power and it's this that I want to explore. 

So, for example, you could say that by using the word 'Love' too often you reduce its power. I'm going to challenge you and suggest that if you say 'Hope' too often it reduces your own power.  The context in which we use words has meaning, it represents who we are, what we're about, what drives us. So I'm going to explore a question that has resonated with me since my experiences at sea.  

Does 'hope' help? 

First I'm going to look at the word 'hope', how it's used, how it effects the way we think, feel and deal with situations in our lives; the power it gives us, but also the power it takes away. But perhaps its best to start with a definition... You know where you are with a word when you've found its meaning in the Oxford English Dictionary (or Wikipedia, if you're a child of the Internet like I am!) Here we go... "Hope is the emotional state which promotes the 'belief' in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life." We all use it as a gesture "I hope you do well", " I hope you recover..." "I hope you can make it..." And of course it's an expression of optimism, "I hope so!"

It appears in religious contexts as one of the theological virtues - faith, hope and charity. Hope, as I understand it, reflecting our desire to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.During his Presidential campaign, even one of the most influential men in the world - Barak Obama - made extensive reference to hope as having the stubbornness of character to persist in the face of adversity.

All these hopes are all well and good, but my use of 'hope' today isn't any of those. It's what you might call wishful idealism, a desire that something will change, or someone will intervene... it's the hope that's supposed to right wrongs, restore balance and make the world a better place. I'm going to have to come clean and tell you that I'm low in the spirituality stakes. I respect the views of others with faith but I'm not blessed with it myself and perhaps that's why I wouldn't dream of looking to another to change the way things are or are going to be. I also don't have much time for fate and the idea that some are destined for greatness, whilst others are chosen to suffer. But... I digress.... 

Anyway, I'd better explain where I'm going with this! I'd like to take you out to sea, because that's where this thought bubble really started to take shape. You'll need to imagine me with my petite ginger haired gardener of a mother.
Sarah. 
Sagittarius. 
We're in a little rowing boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean some fifteen hundred miles from anywhere in every direction. It's one of those rare occasions where the nearest manmade object is a satellite orbiting above the earth. We were attempting to row from La Gomera, in the Canaries, to Barbados, a journey of 3000 miles, maybe a bit more because sometimes we went round in circles!

Neither of us had any ocean rowing experience, but one thing we did share was the goal of "Not to fail!" In fact I didn't realise I shared this 'no failure' perspective with my mother until we jumped aboard the boat together. Here we were content in our little world of never ending blueness, but we had a problem...We were going in the wrong direction! We were supposed to be going to Barbados and we were floating to Florida. At that point I was not a joy to be with! I was whinging a lot!   "I hope the wind changes, I hope the weather changes!!"

Mum shouted STOP!! Stop hoping all the time. In this situation it doesn't help! For years my mum and I hadn't had the best of relationships,  in lots of ways I'd 'hoped' that it would somehow sort itself out.

When I left  home at 16 that 'hope' definitely didn't help and I struggled in the relationship with my mother until I saw an opportunity where I could change it. I entered an ocean rowing race and asked her to come with me. I knew she would be bloody minded enough to do it, and maybe it would be a chance to get to know my mum. For some strange reason she said yes. It changed our lives forever. 

So here we were floating to Florida, I was hopelessly hoping and Mum was about ready to hit me round the face with a wet flying fish. So with Mum still being my mum, when she told me off... I had to listen! She explained..."In this situation hope doesn't help, we can only do what we can do in the situation as it presents itself. If the weather's good we row, if its not, we rest or clean the boat."  So we adopted the phrase "No hope on the boat". Sounds a bit defeatist doesn't it? But it worked for us. 

Of course the weather changed and we zoomed at 2.5knots into Barbados. Four months at sea! A chap in his 60's, rowing on his own, came in a month quicker than we did! We were built for comfort not for speed, but we'd become the first mother and daughter to row any ocean, with a world record to boot. 

So, this idea of 'no hope on the boat' has really stuck with me. I became conscious of every time I said "I hope so" and "I hope this" and "I hope that". If I hoped was I making a decision? Or was I stopping myself from taking control of my own destiny? At times it felt as if I was waiting for divine intervention.  As you now know, I'm not at all spiritual so I could have been waiting for a very long time! I realised that when I hoped I was actually procrastinating. I was saying it whenever things were out of my control or when I had no intention of taking action.  I had a bit of a Eureka moment - I decided to become a hope-less person, and find out what it really means to live without hope. I wanted to know if it made me any less optimistic about life and the opportunities within it. With so many religions underpinned by the giving, receiving and believing in hope would I be a less virtuous person for not wanting hope in my own life? 

When I shared my thoughts with friends they were horrified! I thought of Dante and that warning in the Divine Comedy, written over the gates of hell. You know. 'Abandon hope all ye who enter here!' All very melodramatic and a bit scary....  Well what if abandoning hope wasn't some terrifying prospect but plain common sense, and solid advice? Not just for life in hell (or even heaven) but for life in the big bit in between... The bit where most of us spend most of our time! It doesn't have to feel like purgatory to live without hope. Maybe if we forced ourselves to think of practical alternatives we might do the right thing here on earth? 

Anyway, I decided to try out hopelessness for a while, I'd check myself every time I went to say it. It's particularly relevant at the moment because I'm trying to achieve the seemingly impossible. I'm producing my first feature film. There exists an overwhelming temptation to answer the inevitable questions with an 'I Hope So' here and a 'Hopefully' there. But I must admit I'm not despairing more now that I hope less, in fact I'm more optimistic than ever before. I think that's because I take action more often. This doesn't mean I'm constantly 'doing' something irrespective of whether it's appropriate or not. I'm just actively making a choice... And that could mean choosing to do nothing. 

I've started to believe that for many of us 'to hope' is to be passive - it's asking God, or fate or something or someone else to intervene. I also worry that with hope comes expectation . . . often unrealistic, and sometimes disappointing. I'm not suggesting that we dispense with hope completely, just maybe turning it into a taboo word for a while, and seeing what happens! I do agree that there are some dire circumstances where holding on to hope seems like the only way to survive. There are many situations where one's opportunity to make choices has been taken from you. I also appreciate that many people rely on hope for survival. But in becoming hope-less I've become more aware of the privileges of my own up bringing and my good health, and now it's something I try not to take for granted.  

With all this in mind you can imagine that I was dismayed by Barak Obama's Audacity of Hope campaign. (Dismayed is a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean?!)Surely it is more audacious to be active, to actually do something? To take responsibility for yourself, your family and your community. To me it seemed that he was peddling positivity, but with nothing substantial to back it up. 

It's interesting because I had a debate with a friend about this.... He mentioned that he'd seen Obama speak, that he was fantastically charismatic and inspirational.  My friend also said "Surely inciting hope 'might' inspire people to take action?" "Might inspire?" It's semantics, but wouldn't a call to action, 'actual action' be more appropriate? 

"We shall fight on the beaches, 
we shall fight on the landing grounds, 
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, 
we shall fight in the hills; 
we shall never surrender" 

This to me sound far more powerful than ...
"I hope we don't get invaded.
I hope we'll be able to fight them on the beaches!
And if we all hope together, then hopefully we'll win the war!"

With the United States filled with hopers, I wonder how many will be left disappointed by the lack of definitive action? If there are choices and actions that we can take, then perhaps we should stop hoping and start doing?


Back to Mum again, perhaps Obama should meet her, he'd learn a thing or two!!
My mum has a friend, an elderly lady she looks after. Her name's Gladys 108. 108 because that's what she turned this year. 108 years old!! Everyone wants to find out how she's done it, how she's kept going. I always want her to say it's that half bottle of red wine she drinks every night! But mum says she's a bit fed up of being asked about it all the time! Anyway, Gladys told her "You've just got to keep living!" That's the secret. It sounds like a very action based plan to me! 

So, I have a suggestion. I'm going to borrow from Edward De Bono who suggested 'Po' as an alternative to yes and no - he wanted to aid more creative thinking, although the Po thing was a stupid idea! I mean what if someone asked you if you wanted a cup of tea? If you answer with a "Po" what does that mean? "Yes please, that'll be white, two sugars, thank you!" 

But, the notion holds good because it frees up our thought processes. We stop relying on old words and related concepts of thinking. So we're back to the idea of treating hope as a taboo word for a while, and maybe looking for a new one to replace it? 

So if hope is controlling our horizons, rather than helping us see beyond them, I'm going to suggest the word 'wonder' as one of the alternatives. It's not going to fit every context, but it's a good place to start. So, if you wondered instead of hoped then you'd present yourself with a question rather than a belief. I wonder if this will happen or I wonder if that will take place? You're asking yourself a question, so it spurs you into action to find the answer.  

So, what if we abandoned hope, as word and as mindset, even in desperate circumstance? What if we addressed the fear (which hope is also meant to help with, but doesn't really) by wondering about the consequences of our actions, or lack of them? What if we looked at all the things we could do (instead of just hoping), and forced ourselves to choose the best course of action?  

I'm going to take you back to the boat again.... This time a different one. I'm with three other girls, and we're attempting to be the first women's four to row the Atlantic. We want to cross in the fastest time and gain another world record. Unfortunately we faced the worst weather in the Atlantic for nearly 200years. We rowed in 40ft waves and 40knot winds. During a storm, one of my crew, Jo slipped and hurt her back. She decided to leave the boat and in doing so she disqualified us from the race. It's all beginning to sound a bit dire isn't it?! 

After Jo was taken off the boat, Sue, Claire and I took to the cabin. During the night we were hit by an almighty wave and we almost turned turtle. We spent the night in the dark talking through the emergency procedures. What we'd do if we had to abandon ship, how we'd deploy the life raft, what would happen if we lost each other in the water, in the dark?In those hours I faced the stark reality that this situation could end my life.  But I don't remember hoping....I knew the weather would change, we just needed to sit it out. I also knew that blind faith would not save us if things went wrong. Only action in the face of adversity would help our chances of survival. We battened down the hatches, pulled on life jackets, gathered our emergency equipment to our bosoms and tried to get some sleep. Of course, the storm settled and we returned to the oars. There was no hope on the boat and it worked for me. 

Oh, by the way we didn't get a world record, in fact I think we came in third from last, but we did make it across alive, and that's good enough for me! I think Churchill would have been proud! 

So I'll leave you with the question again... 

Does hope help? 

If it does, then please hold on to it.... But, upon consideration if you're just procrastinating .... then maybe it's time to do something? 

So for now, as I mentioned before, I may be little low on the spirituality scale, but I think it's relevant to quote from the Gospel according to St Elvis.  

"A little less conversation, a little more action please!" 

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